I use to be an extremely stressed person. My mind is constantly organizing, problem solving, twirling, spinning, and hyper extending itself into a frenzy. That combined with some major trials in my life left me with “stress” being my first, middle, and last name. Along with stress came negativity. I was constantly worrying about something, angry/sad about something, or simply just being a mean chick. Even when I was amongst friends having a good time, sarcasm was my humor of choice and being bold and rude was my way of getting a laugh. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a monstrous tyrant, but negativity was like a cloud hanging over me during both the bad times and the good times.
In 2012 I hit the lowest point of my life thus far. That year was the dark for me. On the surface I probably seemed alright; even better than alright. CAREER wise I was flourishing. Music was finally paying the bills as I’d always wanted it to. I went on my first national tour that year. I also began to make a name for myself in my regional theater community. I was performing full time and loving every consistent, stressful, hardworking, beautifully artistic moment of it all. FINANCIALLY it was obvious I was struggling, but I didn’t let it show on the outside just how dead broke I was. I held rent parties to come up with my rental payments. Certain bills I just let fall behind. However, at the end of the day, “struggling” was an understatement. I lost my apartment, stored my things in a storage unit, and found myself homeless for the second time in my life. Luckily, sleepovers among my group of friends were common and I had people in my life willing to let me crash on their couches. When it came to LOVE, I was in your typical, All-American, yo-yo relationship. One day I was happily committed to this one person, the next day I was being dumped. The next week we’d be committed again. This cycle was never ending… On the outside it seemed like life had thrown me a few obstacles, but I was dealing with them as best I could; staying afloat. On the inside, though, I was drowning. Continue reading