Make Me Better

I use to be an extremely stressed person. My mind is constantly organizing, problem solving, twirling, spinning, and hyper extending itself into a frenzy. That combined with some major trials in my life left me with “stress” being my first, middle, and last name. Along with stress came negativity. I was constantly worrying about something, angry/sad about something, or simply just being a mean chick. Even when I was amongst friends having a good time, sarcasm was my humor of choice and being bold and rude was my way of getting a laugh. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a monstrous tyrant, but negativity was like a cloud hanging over me during both the bad times and the good times.

In 2012 I hit the lowest point of my life thus far. That year was the dark for me. On the surface I probably seemed alright; even better than alright. CAREER wise I was flourishing. Music was finally paying the bills as I’d always wanted it to. I went on my first national tour that year. I also began to make a name for myself in my regional theater community. I was performing full time and loving every consistent, stressful, hardworking, beautifully artistic moment of it all.  FINANCIALLY it was obvious I was struggling, but I didn’t let it show on the outside just how dead broke I was. I held rent parties to come up with my rental payments. Certain bills I just let fall behind. However, at the end of the day, “struggling” was an understatement. I lost my apartment, stored my things in a storage unit, and found myself homeless for the second time in my life.  Luckily, sleepovers among my group of friends were common and I had people in my life willing to let me crash on their couches. When it came to LOVE, I was in your typical, All-American, yo-yo relationship. One day I was happily committed to this one person, the next day I was being dumped. The next week we’d be committed again. This cycle was never ending… On the outside it seemed like life had thrown me a few obstacles, but I was dealing with them as best I could; staying afloat. On the inside, though, I was drowning. Continue reading

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When you’re in …

When you’re in the middle of a spiritual transition, many won’t understand. That’s alright. Your “friends” won’t know what to think of you and some may fade away in the process. That too is alright. The “new you” evolving on the inside will begin to shine on the outside, and that, most definitely, is alright. Everyone may not like or appreciate the “better you” you have become. That’s alright. Keep going, keep growing, keep loving, keep living. It’s the God in you. ~ onelifespoken