I had plans for this weekend. Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and I had plans. Plans starting with this show I’m getting dressed to go and see…
I’ve showered. I’m putting on makeup and listening to grooves; singing to distract myself from…plans. And it works for awhile. Then I reach for lipstick. Not my lipstick. I forgot I had this lipstick. I put it on. It’s your lipstick.
But now I’m late, cuz I’ve been staring in the mirror for ten minutes looking at your lipstick on my lips. I’m suppose to be out the door. I quickly dress, one more quick look in the mirror, and I’m headed to my car. Destination, DC.
The car ride is the same as every other has been recently. I flip thru my music trying to find tunes that won’t remind me but that’ll soothe me and get me in the mood for what’s coming – Amel Larrieux. No, not on my radio. Carolyn Malachi is streaming through my speakers, but I’m on my way to see who was suppose to be the kick off to my epic Valentine’s Day weekend.
I had plans for this weekend. Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and I had plans. Plans; starting with this show I’m driving to see. Amel Larrieux, singing to me…
I finally arrive. Date night with myself has begun. I enter and excitement takes over. This is my atmosphere. Low lights, wine, good music. This is the type of night magic is made of. And I love myself for treating myself. And I love myself for getting dressed up for me. And I love myself for picking myself up and taking myself out, and for communing with myself, and for having date night butterflies all for self.
I sip my wine and look around. All couples. It stings a bit. You were never meant to be here, but I was expecting to share the night with you… but it’s just me. I am, however, my best company. So I smile. I sip my wine. I think of love. I think of bliss. I think of only me.
Showtime, and what a show it is. She opens with Infinite Possibilities. I feel this surge of…something good, thinking of the infinite possibilities of my future. And so I allow Amel to take me on a trip through my emotions, as I knew she would. I groove and sing along to Moment To Reflect. I laugh at myself on Try Your Wings because I always refer to the Lovely Standards album as the “musical theater album”. Then I almost cry during Try Your Wings because the words get to me… I always try. I do indeed cry during Make Me Whole, and I don’t even really like that song. Great lyrics always resonate with me. I sit in awe as I watch Amel and her daughter/keyboardist/guitarist/background vocalist KILL during an impromptu, acapella, follow-mamas-AdLibs moment. And finally I bop to her old school hits Get Up and Tell Me. I left feeling like I had been on a trek thru an emotional rainforest with all types of feelings and thoughts growing, swarming, and living all around me.
So I think the entire drive home. I’ve got mixed emotions. I’m supposed to be two days away from you. I hate you, but I miss you. I want you, but I may never trust you again. I know you don’t love me, but I might love you. Mixed emotions. This is the part that lasts the longest and may be the toughest. The place between love and dislike. The dwelling between wanting and not ever wanting again.
I had plans for the weekend. Sunday is Valentine’s Day and I had plans. Deep breath in. Exhale… I’ve had a wonderful night. A night with good wine. I night with low lights. A night with Amel Larrieux. Date night was magic. I go to bed pleased and content.