3 Different Hearts

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I like having my heart.
I can be cold. I can be distant. I’m really good at playing the field.
I can be guarded. I can be rude. I can be completely hands off it.
I have a heart though, and it’s big and wide and open.
I like having my heart.

I’ve been in love exactly two times.
(three, if you include my love for self)
My first love, well, her heart was… Complicated
She didn’t have a heart as much as she had a libido.
Her love was really for affection
and she used her “heart” as a prop to gain affection from me…
her…
she…
them…
Miss…
and ma’am…
all simultaneously.
She “loved” us all differently but “loved” us all with her “heart”.
Yes, my love’s heart was complicated.
Twisted.
Opportunistic.

She shattered my heart.
I picked up the pieces and put them back together again.
My reconstructed heart, with its bandages and glue stains
with its gaping holes where I couldn’t find a piece to fit
…still decided to remain big and wide and open.
I like having a heart, my resilient heart.

With my big wide open heart, I found love again.
My second love, well, her heart was… Seasonal.
Like a business that only opens for the summer months and remains closed 8 months out of the year. Seasonal.
I think she may have tried to have an open heart… maybe.
Her heart eventually did close, though. The season was done.
Her heart was always looking back at past failures and missed expectations and poor decisions…
Her heart receded into a back alley of fright, masked with “selfishness”, and decided to stay there – closed for business.
Yes, my love’s heart was scared of beautiful.

Her frightened heart shattered my heart.
I picked up the pieces and put them back together again.
My wounded heart, with its tape and staples
…still decided to remain big and open and brave.
I like having my heart.
My heart will remain resilient, because it will never be stretched too thin.
My heart won’t miss out on Beautiful, because it will never be too scared.

When the day is done, my wounded, scarred, beaten up,
broken heart
will still be better than most.
My open heart will always accept love.
My brave heart will always fight for love.
My willing heart will always show selfless love.
So love…will always find my heart.
I like having my heart.

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