Gratitude

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I thank God for hearing when I call.
I thank God for listening when I speak.
I thank God for answering the questions I ask, whether I like the answer or not.
I thank God for clarity in situations that onced troubled me.
I thank God for growth.
I thank God for giving me the wisdom to hear Him speak.
I thank God for the relationship that leads me to seek Him.
I thank God for showing me my faults, my flaws, and my wrongdoings.
I thank God for giving me a desire to be better.
I thank God for the epiphanies of life.

I’ve been struggling with sadness and grief and anger. Continue reading

And the moral of the story is….

The moment you realize you’ve been doing it wrong this entire time…

For a few of months, I’ve been trying to fall out of love. I unexpectedly fell head over heels in love with a woman whom I never even wanted to like, and then she broke my heart. Since then, every day my goal is to make it through the day and somehow magically love her less and less until one day I realize I no longer love her at all.

That’s how it’s been with my exes. I grieve the loss of them for a while and then one day it just hits me; I’m over them. The “love” is gone, I move on, and never even think about looking back. So I’ve been waiting on the “never looking back” part this entire time.

However, there’s one key difference between my other exes and this one. Continue reading

New Acceptance

I’m starting to believe that what I want doesn’t exist.

I’ve never had good.
Anytime I’ve come close to good, a massive amount of bullshit overpowers.
Sometimes, I blame myself for the bull; accepting what I know I shouldn’t.
However, most of the time I’m simply blindsided.
Never saw the bullshit coming.
Never saw the negative coming. Continue reading

I’ve been avoiding this…

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I’ve been avoiding writing. I’ve been inclined to write but have purposely decided countless times to distract myself instead. I didn’t want to write, because I didn’t want to write about my heartbreak and I didn’t want anyone to know I was still heartbroken. Then I read my last post and it seemed hypocritical of me not to write. So this is what came out…. Continue reading