The moment you realize you’ve been doing it wrong this entire time…
For a few of months, I’ve been trying to fall out of love. I unexpectedly fell head over heels in love with a woman whom I never even wanted to like, and then she broke my heart. Since then, every day my goal is to make it through the day and somehow magically love her less and less until one day I realize I no longer love her at all.
That’s how it’s been with my exes. I grieve the loss of them for a while and then one day it just hits me; I’m over them. The “love” is gone, I move on, and never even think about looking back. So I’ve been waiting on the “never looking back” part this entire time.
However, there’s one key difference between my other exes and this one. One thing I didn’t fully take into account when I started processing this breakup and attempted to move on. The fact is, I really do love her; unconditionally and wholeheartedly. I have the type of love for her that still wants her to be happy, even if it’s without me. I love her in a way that still puts me in her corner, though she’ll never know it, hoping she accomplishes all the goals she’s set ahead of her. I love her so sincerely, that although she deeply hurt me, though her ways haven’t always been the best or honest, and through all the negativity that surrounds our breakup, I still love her. I may be disappointed in her, I may be angry with her, but none of that has even slightly dampened my love for her. I’m not sure anything ever really will.
Once I realized that, I realized I’ve been “doing” this breakup wrong this entire time.
I’m not going to stop loving her. That’s the downfall of sincere love. All I’ve been doing is frustrating and disappointing myself because I’ve felt as if I’ve been failing because I haven’t stopped loving her, not in the least bit. I’ve been fighting a losing battle.
What I know now; what I should be doing is focusing on living my life without her. That’s how I win the war. There will always be love for her in my heart, but that doesn’t mean it has to consume me.
She led me to believe she’d be my last love, and then she took it back. It was heartbreaking. It still breaks my heart daily. However, I shouldn’t allow it to control my thoughts day to day, or stop me from living, or stop me from loving. The way I do this breakup right, is not by focusing on not loving her, but by focusing on loving me and creating this new life in which I learn to live without her.
Moral of the Story:
I love her.
I lived without her once.
I can live without her again.