My Intentions…

This wasn’t my intent.
This wasn’t what I intended.

I’ve said all the cliché words to myself that I’m suppose to say:
I’m better off without her.
I’m better off without her selfishness.
I deserve to be given the same effort I put in.
I never lied; I deserve honesty.
I gave more than she’d actually earned.
Somewhere, someday… I’ll meet my match effortlessly.
I’m a very rare catch.

I was even honest and said to myself the things few people will admit:
I know I was only a fling for her.
I know she doesn’t think of or want me.
I’ve done the same to someone else, who am I to be hurt?
I didn’t trust her.
I should let go.

My desire is simply to move on.
In every respect, I want to consider her a fleeting, inconsequential moment of my past.
My need is to consider us a lesson in sincere love to be applied to a deserving partner in my future.
Someone deserving.
I no longer want to look towards my future and see her face.
I no longer want to store up in my mind thoughts and events and happenings to share with her later.
I no longer want to consider any aspect of her, or an us, at all.
I intended and expected and currently desire to move on and not look back.

the funny thing about intentions
sometimes we don’t carry out what we intend.

so here I am.
waiting.
am I stupid?
Yes.
this was absolutely never my intent.
Guess you do have your cake and get to eat it too.
damn.

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