The moment you realize you’ve been doing it wrong this entire time…
For a few of months, I’ve been trying to fall out of love. I unexpectedly fell head over heels in love with a woman whom I never even wanted to like, and then she broke my heart. Since then, every day my goal is to make it through the day and somehow magically love her less and less until one day I realize I no longer love her at all.
That’s how it’s been with my exes. I grieve the loss of them for a while and then one day it just hits me; I’m over them. The “love” is gone, I move on, and never even think about looking back. So I’ve been waiting on the “never looking back” part this entire time.
However, there’s one key difference between my other exes and this one. Continue reading
What to say?
the adjustment is underway.
I’m somewhere in between mourning the lost of love and celebrating the joy of my own rebirth.
Every morning I start my day with a walk accompanied by good music and a protein shake. I set positive intentions for each day, and then commence to follow through.
Each day is filled with thoughts, a sentiment of missing, regret, anger, slight sadness…usual breakup feels. However, each day also brings laughter, an increase in satisfaction that things ended, small mends to my heart, new visions going forward, and less looking back at what was.
This is healing. Although it’s difficult and painful, it’s an adventure and a journey. Moving through pain, at times, seems impossible, but then I make it through to the other side of the moment, and exhale.
I welcome the discomfort; it means I’m outgrowing this scarred skin.
I welcome the pain; it means I still have the ability to feel.
I welcome the journey; I’ll be better once I reach the end.
I look forward to the beauty that is to come…
I had plans for this weekend. Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and I had plans. Plans starting with this show I’m getting dressed to go and see…
I’ve showered. I’m putting on makeup and listening to grooves; singing to distract myself from…plans. And it works for awhile. Then I reach for lipstick. Not my lipstick. I forgot I had this lipstick. I put it on. It’s your lipstick.
But now I’m late, cuz I’ve been staring in the mirror for ten minutes looking at your lipstick on my lips. I’m suppose to be out the door. I quickly dress, one more quick look in the mirror, and I’m headed to my car. Destination, DC. Continue reading
So, you got dumped. Your partner decided one day that being in a relationship was something she didn’t want. So just like that, you were a thing of the past. It sucks. You still love her. BUT here is why that breakup you didn’t want, is actually a wonderful thing…
1. You can be satisfied with yourself. She didn’t leave you because you did anything wrong. Not to brag, but you’re actually a wonderful partner. Knowing this, realize you’ve finally learned all those “lessons” from past relationships, and that you truly do know how to be happy, healthy, and in love. You know how to be a great partner, and one day someone (who also knows how to be a great partner) will appreciate that. So be satisfied with “Me”.
2. No more rose colored glasses. You can see things about your former partner a bit more clearly now. She is in no way a horrible person, but she is also not exactly the person she presented to you. Now you can see her as she truly is; both with the good and the bad. Looking towards the future; whether you end up as friends, whether you end up back together, whether you never speak again… you have a whole picture of her now. Clarity is always a good thing.
3. You need absolutely nothing from anyone. You were happy with yourself and with your life before her. You are still happy with yourself and your life after her. It’s wonderful to know that all you ever NEEDED from her… was nothing.
4. You’re emotional. Embrace it. When I’m emotional, I’m Continue reading
You’ve recently gone through a breakup. It’s all still very fresh. You still feel sadness, you still have to will yourself through parts of the day, and you have a thousand thoughts of your ex and your broken relationship running through your head constantly. What do you do about it? How about using the emotions you’re trapped in at this moment to build a better you.
1. “Breakup Workout Plan
Want to Text: 5 push-ups
Want to Check her FB/Insta/Twitter: 10 squats
Sad-Butterflies in Stomach Feeling: 10 sit-ups
Sick Stomach Feeling: 15 jumping Jacks
Want to Share a Moment: share with my best friend instead, 45 sec plank
Stuck in Deep Thought: 10 triceps dips, 30 sec wall sit, 10 lunges
Actually Did One of the “Wants”: ALL THE ABOVE
You obviously tailor-make your workout to your own personal breakup woes, but doing something constructive will be good for your body and be a good distraction.
There, of course, will be times when exercising won’t be an option. Continue reading
I sunk and drowned in despair and confusion for two days.
I didn’t eat for two days, consuming only liquor.
I rolled around in my misery, becoming filthy with doubt and anger and grief
for two days.
I allowed my happiness to be fully dependent upon someone else for two days.
I couldn’t breathe for two days.
I went over all the what ifs, and why nots, and what went wrong for two days.
For two days everything took so much effort.
Getting out of bed was a chore, for two days.
Washing was exhausting, for two days.
I let pain set up camp in the deepest parts of my being and corrode my spirits from the inside out and take over my mind and hurt me…for two days.
And then day three.
I remembered, I’m in love with me.
I stopped drowning and swam to the surface on day three.
I washed my face and hands and body of the misery and doubt and anger and grief and saturated my skin with peace and serenity and love and music, on day three.
I remembered that my happiness came from me on day three.
I went over my future plans, made new plans, considered better possibilities, welcomed all and any possibility on day three.
On day three I moved with the energy of a good night’s rest.
I showered, biked, walked, sang, danced on day three with ease.
I smiled on day three.
I smiled and allowed my love of me to surface from deep within me where laughter and music flow freely, and let the self love flow from my pores like rain from the clouds, and closed my eyes and felt the love envelope me and warm me and heal me…on day three.