My Intentions…

This wasn’t my intent.
This wasn’t what I intended.

I’ve said all the cliché words to myself that I’m suppose to say:
I’m better off without her.
I’m better off without her selfishness.
I deserve to be given the same effort I put in.
I never lied; I deserve honesty.
I gave more than she’d actually earned.
Somewhere, someday… I’ll meet my match effortlessly.
I’m a very rare catch.

I was even honest and said to myself the things few people will admit: Continue reading

Gratitude

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I thank God for hearing when I call.
I thank God for listening when I speak.
I thank God for answering the questions I ask, whether I like the answer or not.
I thank God for clarity in situations that onced troubled me.
I thank God for growth.
I thank God for giving me the wisdom to hear Him speak.
I thank God for the relationship that leads me to seek Him.
I thank God for showing me my faults, my flaws, and my wrongdoings.
I thank God for giving me a desire to be better.
I thank God for the epiphanies of life.

I’ve been struggling with sadness and grief and anger. Continue reading

Are? Who? How?

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from the vault…

May 7, 2011
Are moments real? What makes a “happening” sincere?
How do we know the difference between reality and fake?
What is it that makes time stand still?
What is it that makes people truly feel?
How do we know when one’s intentions are true?
How can we tell that lies are being used?
When do we decide to have our selfishness removed?
What is it that makes some continue to abuse?
What is it that moves us to do whatever it is we please?
Why are some things impossible to release?
Where does it say that compassion is a part of a game?
What is it that makes hearts grow cold and smiles fade?
How is it that broken hearts trust love again?
Why do certain moments, good or bad, always in mind replay?
Why does the sun shine when thoughts are heavy and burdened?
Why is it the thunder rolls during the best of moments?
What makes rivers of emotions flow swiftly into oceans of madness?
What makes the heart flutter?
Where does the soul find its mate? Who decides relationship’s fate?
What is art? Who wrote the rhyme?
How is music defined?
How can beauty be melodious?
When do words become a painted picture?
When does one’s artistry becomes another one’s being?
Why is seeing believing?
Are these words? Ramblings? Thoughts?
Is this art?
Is this a moment?
Are moments real? What makes a “happening” sincere?”

Feel It?

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Do you feel it?

Something’s changing.
Something’s coming.
It caught me off guard.
I was indeed expecting a shift, changes, a plethora of new experiences…
but I was expecting the changes I had planned, or rather had planned for me.
I didn’t recognize that the usurping of my plans was actually the beginning of “something”.

Something is changing.
Something is just beginning.
Something…is coming.
It caught me so off guard and I fought it at first, and rejected it, and it made me cry.
Silly me. Holding on to a precursor that was never intended to be a main event
I almost missed the shift in the wind. Almost didn’t notice the breeze change direction.

I hear a faint tune in the distance; coming closer.
I see the blue of the early morning turning to grey turning to day; sun’s coming.

Something is just beginning
Silly me, not feeling the spring of magic’s impending arrival.
I can already feel the energy of the approaching new day.
Something is coming.
Smile.

I can feel it.