Well, I’m going to be taking a break from blogging for a little while. I’m excited to say I’m writing a book. I’ll be focusing my energy into that journey. Stay tuned and wish me luck!!!

Advertisements

Eat!!!

image

i haven’t had an appetite in four weeks. I’ve lost fifteen pounds in a month, doing absolutely nothing. I’ve been eating once a day, if I remember to. When I’m stressed or sad, my appetite goes out the window.  But tonight, at 1:54am, I got out of my bed, went to my kitchen, and made a sandwich. I WAS STARVING!!

And I’m  so glad! I want to lose weight, but I want it to be with sweat and work and an increase in muscle and endurance…  Not from being sick over my ex girlfriend.

So, I hope I gain a little weight back. Then I want to lose it again. gain some muscles. Be able to do some chin-ups. Be able to run.

I’m eating tonight. I’m glad.

12

I’m suppose to be twelve short hours away.
I’m suppose to be twelve short hours away.
I’m suppose to be twelve short hours away.

I’ve been waiting four weeks to see the woman I love, but she doesn’t love me, and I won’t be seeing her.

I got an email today. My flight is ready for me to check in. I had planned to be wheels up in the a.m. I want to be wheels up in the a.m. And an insane part of me is contemplating making that flight and dealing with everything left for me to do here later. I could go to Miami in the morning…

I’m suppose to be one sleep away.
Tomorrow night I’m suppose to lay looking love’s way.
I’m suppose to be happy and in love.
A part of a baby power couple.

I’m dressed. I’m sitting on the side of my bed, dressed.
I got asked out. This woman asked me out for drinks. I said ok.
Nothing about me wants to go out. But I’m dressed.
The thought of sitting at a bar with some woman I don’t know…
I think I’m going to be sick.

This week has been ok, but now every emotion I had is rushing back.
I knew I would feel this way.
I knew emotions would flood me because I’m supposed to be twelve short hours away.

Why does this hurt me?
It hurts me.
It hurts.
I’m suppose to be twelve short hours away.

To thine OWN self be true

Ya know, sometimes you have to do what’s best for you, even when it’s hard. Even when you don’t want to. Even when you wish the situation would just handle itself. Sometimes, you have to put your big boy/big girl pants on and handle life.

This is one of those times.

I’ve learned a lot over the years. I’ve learned a lot about my own naivety. I’ve learned a lot about my own awesomeness. I’ve learned a lot about how people will treat you; mostly that it’s dependent upon how you allow them to. But FINALLY, I’ve learned to take care of me first.

It took me a while, and a few really stupid mistakes to get this through my head, but finally I get it. Finally I really am so secure in my love of self that I value myself as the rarity that I am. Finally, I’m loving me enough to do what’s right for me.

The situation may suck, but what a lovely opportunity to give myself some love. Yea, I’m gonna be alright….

Is…

Love is age? Love is gender? Love is race? Love is religion? Love is nationality? Love is family status?
“4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”                                                                      – 1 Corinthians 13
Think about it. Happy Sunday

These United States…

These United States are full of fullblown trickery and tomfoolery.  Let me tell you what’s about to happen. Ebola (or “ebola”, depending on how you want to look at this) is going to be strategically tranfered from state to state. “We’re sending this person to xyz for the best treatment”…. “we accidentally sent this person home with symptons and encouraged the travel plans they mentioned. Our bad…” This [man made] disease is about to rip thru this entire nation like Hurricane Katrina, and the experimental drugs that have been proven to heal will suddenly not be available or will no longer prove effective. This will transform Ebola into a huge medical money pot like AIDS and cancer, and those most effected will be African-Americans and Hispanics. Welcome to Maryland Ebola.